Some days I resent my body, mind and attitude. My body shut down on me. My mind relies on medication to rebalance itself. And my attitude of not liking defeat or accepting what I can’t have this instant wants to badly overthrow my mind and body.
The voices of my characters prod me to write. My fingers itch to pound on the keyboard. My legs direct me toward the computer. But physically and mentally, I’m still exhausted.
Then I realize I needed to get back to basics. Or three things, really. Family, work and writing. Family to me includes my friends. They’ve been very supportive. When I crashed and burned, there wasn’t a vibe of “Sucks for you” or “I told you so.” Instead, there’s “What can I do to help you,” or “I’m so glad you’re getting better. We missed you.” How nice is that?
My full time job is the life line for the future of my family. In addition, my career as an RN gives my husband the opportunity to do what he really enjoys—coaching school and select soccer teams.
Lately, I’ve changed my internal schedule to accept more flexibility in my life. I take the bus to work. This means extra sleep and I don’t have to run to catch the train. I don’t edit my WIPs on my phone like I use to do. Instead I sleep or listen to music on the trip to and from work. I still only write on Wednesdays and Sundays but of course, if something comes up, I give myself the flexibility to write an hour here or there. Writing doesn’t consume my life. It is just there, an integral part of myself I accept but don’t obsess over.
How did I make it here, past the resentment? Well, I minimize all the things that weren’t there before I was published. I’ve put my group emails on digest, I’ve resigned as co-chair of Goodie Bags for my local RWA chapter, I don’t do blog or review tours, I rarely promo my books anymore, and I won’t be going to any functions such as book signings or conferences. My energy is on writing the next book. I firmly believe I’ll find my niche of readers with every new book I write and publish.
I’ve learned so much and have made great friends during this journey. The knowledge and friendships won’t go away. I’m positive of that too. So for now, I know you’ll understand if I decide to let a few things go and concentrate on what’s important—family, work and writing.